Swagger

(The following post is more of a social commentary than anything else. Now that we are fully immersed in the post-postseason, I have time to write about other things. But don't worry, I still use my experiences as a manager as the basis for everything. And even though my hours have been reduced, my job still sucks. I actually spent last Wednesday faxing transcript requests. For 4 hours straight. With no chair. (anyone that knows me, knows how much I hate standing))

There are two types of people in this world.

Person Type A: (Also known as a P.A.L. - Perfect-at-Lifer) The P.A.L. is the one that everyone wants to be like. They are usually described with one or more of the following adjectives: funny, smart, pretty, talented, awesome. If you have been in the newspaper more times than you can remember, have your own "highlight" video, and/or have your own fan club on facebook - congratulations, you've definitely made it. If people ask you for your autograph, are eager to spend time with you, or write nice things about you on the bathroom walls, that's a pretty good indication that you are in this category.

Person Type B: These are the type of people that spend their whole lives trying to achieve that level of notoriety associated with Person Type A. They may dream big, but they attempt little and achieve even less. They are generally described by the following adjectives: nice, average, boring. I won't go into much detail here, because Person Type B generally knows that they are Person Type B. My pet peeve is people who lack self-esteem. My pet peeve is Person Type B. (DISCLAIMER: There is a subgroup not being discussed here. Person Type B-S: These are the individuals that act like they are "the S#&^" but in fact, they are not.)

Now, I know what you're thinking. How could I simplify the complexity of humankind into just two categories? And furthermore, divide people based on looks and talent? That's just horrible! But I think you're missing the point. I'm not saying you have to be a superstar athlete, a genius, or a movie star to be Person Type A. Sure, it helps. But there is a loophole. The only difference between Person Type A and Person Type B is how they carry themselves. All it takes is the proper amount of confidence. Or, as the kids are calling it these days, "swagger."

To demonstrate my point, I will finally get to the event that inspired this whole post. I recently witnessed a basketball player (under age 21) get into a bar by saying "I'm on the women's basketball team!" Those six short words, delivered with the proper swagger, were enough to get her past the bouncer and onto the dance floor. And to think, the rest of the world has spent time, money, and effort on acquiring fake ID's. Ha! Now, do I actually think she got into the bar because she was on the women's basketball team? No. (Studies have shown that the only people that actually care about women's basketball are ... well, women's basketball players, their immediate family members, and several nursing homes in Indiana.) Do I think she got in for her dance moves? Maybe. The bouncer didn't let this underclassman into the bar because she could make a lay-up or teach him how to dougie, he let her in cause she had enough confidence to demand entrance. And that's exactly the type of person you want in your bar!

So I suggest you follow my lead. I intend to carry myself with the utmost coolness. My autographs will only be on receipts and consent forms. My "highlight" videos are the embarrassing homemade music videos I produce with my friends. Next time I head out on the town, I think I'm going to try "No. I don't have an ID. I'm the women's basketball team manager!" just because I can. And because anything is socially acceptable with enough confidence, right? As perhaps the most famous P.A.L., Beyonce, once sang, "if you got it, flaunt it, boy I know you want it." I firmly believe that we've all got "it", and it's just a matter of how we flaunt it that determines how our life will turn out. And trust me, this is coming from someone whose Mom still cuts clippings out of the newspaper when I place in the Turkey Trot 5K every fall.