Just one week until I get to sit through hours of small talk, long speeches about winning, and awkward encounters like this.
I. Can't. Wait.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Social Hour
Countdown to the end-of-season banquet: 7 days.
Just one week until I get to sit through hours of small talk, long speeches about winning, and awkward encounters like this.
I. Can't. Wait.
Just one week until I get to sit through hours of small talk, long speeches about winning, and awkward encounters like this.
I. Can't. Wait.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Culture-ized
The holy trinity of distractions for any college student. F.Y.R.: Facebook, Youtube, Reality television
People frequently ask me what I do with the free time that is commonly associated with being unemployed. Rekindling old friendships? Focusing on my studies? Am I at least doing something productive? Not quite. Actually, I've been facebook stalking, sifting through thousands of pointless youtube videos, and watching way too much of The Real World. You see. I want all of you, my loyal blog followers, to be on the same page. So I put together a "Best Of The Best" of Pop Culture if you will... Filled with things I love and why I love them. Hopefully you'll enjoy this as much as I enjoyed "researching" for it.
Facebook Groups I've Strongly Considered Joining:
1. "Yup. I'm a Women's Basketball Manager" The category it falls under is "Just for Fun - Inside Jokes" and the description reads: "A support group for all of the women's basketball managers of the NCAA. Share your stories about life on the road, and anything else related to being a manager. Manager Convention- is currently in process!" I've considered requesting to join, but the group currently has a measly 11 members, half of which probably work for the same school. And I'm a bit bitter that I didn't think of the idea of making a facebook group first.
2. "Getting Nervous At Airport Security Even Though You're Not A Terrorist" After being spoiled with the basketball team's charter flights, I find it very difficult to fly commercial anymore. Last time I flew solo, I tried to bring a water bottle through security. Big mistake. Probably because I'm so used to carrying that 24-pack of water and gatorade onto the plane for the basketball players. (You know, in case they get thirsty on our 45 minute flight to the state-next-door.) The only thing that kept me from joining this group is the fact that the FBI probably monitors every single member because this is exactly the type of group a terrorist would join.
3. "I Love It When Bus Drivers Wave At Each Other" Something about bus driver camaraderie really makes me jealous. I've spent a lot of time with the bus drivers on the road with the basketball team. They always have great stories about the bus driver "brotherhood" that exists out there. Among basketball managers, no such brotherhood exists. There are so many times I want to give an opposing team's manager an "I hate my job" look, but they always avoid eye contact. Starting next season, I'm going to wave obnoxiously at all managers until they acknowledge my presence.
My Favorite Youtube Videos:
1. Ellen Degeneres Scares Taylor Swift I would give anything for a hidden camera and free-reign to hide in the Women's Basketball Office and repeatedly scare the coaches without consequences.
2. You Forgot The Blueberries - For every funny video on youtube, there are 100,000 stupid videos. When I first started watching this one, I really thought it was going to be just like all the other videos that parents post of their kids being "cute." But take my word for it, watch this ALL the way through and you will find yourself laughing (or crying) hysterically.
3. Marcel The Shell With Shoes On - I normally find "cute" youtube videos - like the sneezing panda and the giggling babies - nauseating, but this video is equally cute and hilarious.
Reality Shows I Secretly Love(d):
1. More To Love - If you didn't see this reality show that aired in the summer of 2009, boy, you missed out. More to Love was like the Bachelor, but for fat people. When they weren't busy crying and dealing with their self-esteem issues, the contestants tried and convince 23 yr old, 330 lb bachelor Luke that they had the right junk in their trunk. The best moment of this show came in episode 1 (better known as the fake prom episode that made all the contestants cry about their tormented high school days): when Dani, a contestant, dove into the pool in her black evening gown and other contestants likened the scene to a Shamu exhibit.
2. When I Was 17 - Besides being great for seeing shockingly embarrassing pictures of Jersey Shore's The Situation, this show is perfect for distinguishing which celebrities are interesting and which are not. I firmly believe that most celebrities are no more interesting than say, a basketball manager. And by following them, we are only encouraging more boring, not-funny people to go into showbiz. For example, Snooki was a cheerleader when she was 17 - unremarkable. Khloe Kardashian stole her mom's Range Rover and accidentally caught it on fire when she was 17 - pretty darn interesting. Nick Cannon got fired from his job at Wienerschnitzel Hot Dogs because he would use the drive-thru intercom to tell jokes - interesting AND inspiring.
3. Real Housewives of __________ - New Jersey. Atlanta. New York. Orange County. This series is kind of like semi-sophisticated reality television for grown ups. Critics complain about the lack of morals that the ladies on this show possess, but I've come out of all-day Real Housewives marathons with several life lessons imprinted on my mind. Don't be tardy for the party. Money can't buy you class. And don't get hair extensions if you aren't prepared to have them ripped out in a cat fight. If we all watched this show around Mother's Day, we'd all appreciate our actual moms a little bit more. (For not being psychopaths, that is)
(Thanks to Viktor H at Designers Couch for the logos used in this entry.)
People frequently ask me what I do with the free time that is commonly associated with being unemployed. Rekindling old friendships? Focusing on my studies? Am I at least doing something productive? Not quite. Actually, I've been facebook stalking, sifting through thousands of pointless youtube videos, and watching way too much of The Real World. You see. I want all of you, my loyal blog followers, to be on the same page. So I put together a "Best Of The Best" of Pop Culture if you will... Filled with things I love and why I love them. Hopefully you'll enjoy this as much as I enjoyed "researching" for it.
Facebook Groups I've Strongly Considered Joining:
1. "Yup. I'm a Women's Basketball Manager" The category it falls under is "Just for Fun - Inside Jokes" and the description reads: "A support group for all of the women's basketball managers of the NCAA. Share your stories about life on the road, and anything else related to being a manager. Manager Convention- is currently in process!" I've considered requesting to join, but the group currently has a measly 11 members, half of which probably work for the same school. And I'm a bit bitter that I didn't think of the idea of making a facebook group first.
2. "Getting Nervous At Airport Security Even Though You're Not A Terrorist" After being spoiled with the basketball team's charter flights, I find it very difficult to fly commercial anymore. Last time I flew solo, I tried to bring a water bottle through security. Big mistake. Probably because I'm so used to carrying that 24-pack of water and gatorade onto the plane for the basketball players. (You know, in case they get thirsty on our 45 minute flight to the state-next-door.) The only thing that kept me from joining this group is the fact that the FBI probably monitors every single member because this is exactly the type of group a terrorist would join.
3. "I Love It When Bus Drivers Wave At Each Other" Something about bus driver camaraderie really makes me jealous. I've spent a lot of time with the bus drivers on the road with the basketball team. They always have great stories about the bus driver "brotherhood" that exists out there. Among basketball managers, no such brotherhood exists. There are so many times I want to give an opposing team's manager an "I hate my job" look, but they always avoid eye contact. Starting next season, I'm going to wave obnoxiously at all managers until they acknowledge my presence.
My Favorite Youtube Videos:
1. Ellen Degeneres Scares Taylor Swift I would give anything for a hidden camera and free-reign to hide in the Women's Basketball Office and repeatedly scare the coaches without consequences.
2. You Forgot The Blueberries - For every funny video on youtube, there are 100,000 stupid videos. When I first started watching this one, I really thought it was going to be just like all the other videos that parents post of their kids being "cute." But take my word for it, watch this ALL the way through and you will find yourself laughing (or crying) hysterically.
3. Marcel The Shell With Shoes On - I normally find "cute" youtube videos - like the sneezing panda and the giggling babies - nauseating, but this video is equally cute and hilarious.
Reality Shows I Secretly Love(d):
1. More To Love - If you didn't see this reality show that aired in the summer of 2009, boy, you missed out. More to Love was like the Bachelor, but for fat people. When they weren't busy crying and dealing with their self-esteem issues, the contestants tried and convince 23 yr old, 330 lb bachelor Luke that they had the right junk in their trunk. The best moment of this show came in episode 1 (better known as the fake prom episode that made all the contestants cry about their tormented high school days): when Dani, a contestant, dove into the pool in her black evening gown and other contestants likened the scene to a Shamu exhibit.
2. When I Was 17 - Besides being great for seeing shockingly embarrassing pictures of Jersey Shore's The Situation, this show is perfect for distinguishing which celebrities are interesting and which are not. I firmly believe that most celebrities are no more interesting than say, a basketball manager. And by following them, we are only encouraging more boring, not-funny people to go into showbiz. For example, Snooki was a cheerleader when she was 17 - unremarkable. Khloe Kardashian stole her mom's Range Rover and accidentally caught it on fire when she was 17 - pretty darn interesting. Nick Cannon got fired from his job at Wienerschnitzel Hot Dogs because he would use the drive-thru intercom to tell jokes - interesting AND inspiring.
3. Real Housewives of __________ - New Jersey. Atlanta. New York. Orange County. This series is kind of like semi-sophisticated reality television for grown ups. Critics complain about the lack of morals that the ladies on this show possess, but I've come out of all-day Real Housewives marathons with several life lessons imprinted on my mind. Don't be tardy for the party. Money can't buy you class. And don't get hair extensions if you aren't prepared to have them ripped out in a cat fight. If we all watched this show around Mother's Day, we'd all appreciate our actual moms a little bit more. (For not being psychopaths, that is)
(Thanks to Viktor H at Designers Couch for the logos used in this entry.)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Swagger
(The following post is more of a social commentary than anything else. Now that we are fully immersed in the post-postseason, I have time to write about other things. But don't worry, I still use my experiences as a manager as the basis for everything. And even though my hours have been reduced, my job still sucks. I actually spent last Wednesday faxing transcript requests. For 4 hours straight. With no chair. (anyone that knows me, knows how much I hate standing))
There are two types of people in this world.
Person Type A: (Also known as a P.A.L. - Perfect-at-Lifer) The P.A.L. is the one that everyone wants to be like. They are usually described with one or more of the following adjectives: funny, smart, pretty, talented, awesome. If you have been in the newspaper more times than you can remember, have your own "highlight" video, and/or have your own fan club on facebook - congratulations, you've definitely made it. If people ask you for your autograph, are eager to spend time with you, or write nice things about you on the bathroom walls, that's a pretty good indication that you are in this category.
Person Type B: These are the type of people that spend their whole lives trying to achieve that level of notoriety associated with Person Type A. They may dream big, but they attempt little and achieve even less. They are generally described by the following adjectives: nice, average, boring. I won't go into much detail here, because Person Type B generally knows that they are Person Type B. My pet peeve is people who lack self-esteem. My pet peeve is Person Type B. (DISCLAIMER: There is a subgroup not being discussed here. Person Type B-S: These are the individuals that act like they are "the S#&^" but in fact, they are not.)
Now, I know what you're thinking. How could I simplify the complexity of humankind into just two categories? And furthermore, divide people based on looks and talent? That's just horrible! But I think you're missing the point. I'm not saying you have to be a superstar athlete, a genius, or a movie star to be Person Type A. Sure, it helps. But there is a loophole. The only difference between Person Type A and Person Type B is how they carry themselves. All it takes is the proper amount of confidence. Or, as the kids are calling it these days, "swagger."
To demonstrate my point, I will finally get to the event that inspired this whole post. I recently witnessed a basketball player (under age 21) get into a bar by saying "I'm on the women's basketball team!" Those six short words, delivered with the proper swagger, were enough to get her past the bouncer and onto the dance floor. And to think, the rest of the world has spent time, money, and effort on acquiring fake ID's. Ha! Now, do I actually think she got into the bar because she was on the women's basketball team? No. (Studies have shown that the only people that actually care about women's basketball are ... well, women's basketball players, their immediate family members, and several nursing homes in Indiana.) Do I think she got in for her dance moves? Maybe. The bouncer didn't let this underclassman into the bar because she could make a lay-up or teach him how to dougie, he let her in cause she had enough confidence to demand entrance. And that's exactly the type of person you want in your bar!
So I suggest you follow my lead. I intend to carry myself with the utmost coolness. My autographs will only be on receipts and consent forms. My "highlight" videos are the embarrassing homemade music videos I produce with my friends. Next time I head out on the town, I think I'm going to try "No. I don't have an ID. I'm the women's basketball team manager!" just because I can. And because anything is socially acceptable with enough confidence, right? As perhaps the most famous P.A.L., Beyonce, once sang, "if you got it, flaunt it, boy I know you want it." I firmly believe that we've all got "it", and it's just a matter of how we flaunt it that determines how our life will turn out. And trust me, this is coming from someone whose Mom still cuts clippings out of the newspaper when I place in the Turkey Trot 5K every fall.
There are two types of people in this world.
Person Type A: (Also known as a P.A.L. - Perfect-at-Lifer) The P.A.L. is the one that everyone wants to be like. They are usually described with one or more of the following adjectives: funny, smart, pretty, talented, awesome. If you have been in the newspaper more times than you can remember, have your own "highlight" video, and/or have your own fan club on facebook - congratulations, you've definitely made it. If people ask you for your autograph, are eager to spend time with you, or write nice things about you on the bathroom walls, that's a pretty good indication that you are in this category.
Person Type B: These are the type of people that spend their whole lives trying to achieve that level of notoriety associated with Person Type A. They may dream big, but they attempt little and achieve even less. They are generally described by the following adjectives: nice, average, boring. I won't go into much detail here, because Person Type B generally knows that they are Person Type B. My pet peeve is people who lack self-esteem. My pet peeve is Person Type B. (DISCLAIMER: There is a subgroup not being discussed here. Person Type B-S: These are the individuals that act like they are "the S#&^" but in fact, they are not.)
Now, I know what you're thinking. How could I simplify the complexity of humankind into just two categories? And furthermore, divide people based on looks and talent? That's just horrible! But I think you're missing the point. I'm not saying you have to be a superstar athlete, a genius, or a movie star to be Person Type A. Sure, it helps. But there is a loophole. The only difference between Person Type A and Person Type B is how they carry themselves. All it takes is the proper amount of confidence. Or, as the kids are calling it these days, "swagger."
To demonstrate my point, I will finally get to the event that inspired this whole post. I recently witnessed a basketball player (under age 21) get into a bar by saying "I'm on the women's basketball team!" Those six short words, delivered with the proper swagger, were enough to get her past the bouncer and onto the dance floor. And to think, the rest of the world has spent time, money, and effort on acquiring fake ID's. Ha! Now, do I actually think she got into the bar because she was on the women's basketball team? No. (Studies have shown that the only people that actually care about women's basketball are ... well, women's basketball players, their immediate family members, and several nursing homes in Indiana.) Do I think she got in for her dance moves? Maybe. The bouncer didn't let this underclassman into the bar because she could make a lay-up or teach him how to dougie, he let her in cause she had enough confidence to demand entrance. And that's exactly the type of person you want in your bar!
So I suggest you follow my lead. I intend to carry myself with the utmost coolness. My autographs will only be on receipts and consent forms. My "highlight" videos are the embarrassing homemade music videos I produce with my friends. Next time I head out on the town, I think I'm going to try "No. I don't have an ID. I'm the women's basketball team manager!" just because I can. And because anything is socially acceptable with enough confidence, right? As perhaps the most famous P.A.L., Beyonce, once sang, "if you got it, flaunt it, boy I know you want it." I firmly believe that we've all got "it", and it's just a matter of how we flaunt it that determines how our life will turn out. And trust me, this is coming from someone whose Mom still cuts clippings out of the newspaper when I place in the Turkey Trot 5K every fall.
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